final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she pinky promised me she was 18
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
