shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
