There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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