I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
