Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
