Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
