If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
sex in a hospital.. check
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
