i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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