I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
