Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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