I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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