your thong is hanging out like whoa
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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