I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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