so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
