i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I look better un-naked...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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