New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
