one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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