4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
