Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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