I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
