Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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