What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
should my penis look like a turkey
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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