we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
