I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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