i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i barfeds in our rink
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
