I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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