I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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