my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You can't special order awesome
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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