She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
