i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
