You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
