overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
