yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
