We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
