I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
