she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
