between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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