I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
