Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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