Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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