There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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