I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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