he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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