your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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