HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
