try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
