why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's official drugs can't kill me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
