a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My cat gives me a boner
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago