I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
