then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
