ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
