I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
