One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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