I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
