In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
