Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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