i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just gift wrapped bread.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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