HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
