sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
