Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
