You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
