I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
