My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
