i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
