I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
