The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
